May 28, 2013

Today was the first time Cecilia didn't scream bloody murder in the bath in months. I honestly cannot remember a time when she didn't scream her head off during baths...maybe when she was a few months old? I finally wised up, though. I decided to start washing her hair in the kitchen sink so I could have better control over the situation (aka her writhing, wiggling, thrashing body) and then give her baths separately. It worked! No washing of the hair meant a happy baby in the bath. Hallelujah. She will still make hair washing in the sink hell, but at least it's easier when she's at counter level. 

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I got a Mother's Day card from Cecilia's birth mom. It meant a lot to me...it meant that she views me as a mother, not just someone taking care of her kid for her. Sometimes things feel a little sticky with her, but mostly I think we got quite lucky all around.

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Simon is a joy. He embodies the expression "zest for life." I love how confident and outgoing he is. I pray he always stays that way, for his sake. 

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Laundry continues to be a constant struggle for me. I cannot stay on top of it for the life of me. A first world problem, yes?

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A friend of mine is running a half marathon in August and I'm kinda sorta thinking about joining her. I refuse to commit, but it sounds nice. This probably means I have to start running regularly. As of late I've been good for about one run a week...not quite enough for half marathon training. We'll see. 

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That's all I got for now. Off to fold laundry. 

Curses.

Same Love

Who knew the guy who did the Thrift Shop song would have me near tears with a song about equal rights?

2 kids, 10 pics

The girl has a few loves...being under tables and chairs:

Wearing footwear that does not belong to her:

Having tantrums:

And her belly button:

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No sunburns here, folks.

We're actively working on the whole "flowers are not food" lesson: 

My faves:

Love that he will push her so I can just sit and watch (Mother of the Year, I know):

 Bad ass:

Days are long

The days are long, but the years are short. That's how the saying goes I think.

For us, in this moment of life, it would be more appropriate to say the afternoons are long but the weeks are short (or the months or the years I suppose). Right now we're in a little bit of payback mode since she was a ridiculously easy baby. She never had a witching hour, never really cried for no apparent reason. Well, she is making up for lost time. Particularly from the moment she wakes up from her nap and until dinnertime she is in what seems like a constant state of crying, whining or clinging. Anything and everything sets her off. Yesterday I took away the phone and she cried so intensely that she was literally gagging and I thought for sure she was going to vomit. C'mon.

I don't remember Simon being this emotionally unhinged at this age. Maybe she is getting it all out of her system now and by the time she is 2 or 3, she will be a normal human being. Or maybe I just blocked it out when Simon was this age and in a few years I'll look back at Cecilia at 15 months with pure fondness and remember only that she was adorable.

Which she is of course.

morning o' fun

Get to bank with pockets full of rolls of change, cash and checks from Run Like a Mother. Get kids out of car. Look down and notice boogers on my pants. Charge ahead and pull on doors. Locked. Look at time. Not open for 15 minutes. Get kids back in car. They are both crying, she because she doesn't want to get back in the car already and he because he didn't get a bank treat. Go to UPS. Park right outside. Leave kids in car. Fear for their lives despite being 15 feet away with only a glass wall separating us. Fill out form wrong. Fill out another one. Then two more, the right way. Leave UPS and go back to bank. Get kids out and go in. Realize I don't have an account number. Go outside. Call Portland office in hopes of getting the number. Pray someone got an early start to their day on the West coast. Dial wrong number. Call right number. Success! Someone was in early. Get number. Go back in bank. Boy steals cookies. Boy steals candy. Girl pulls info sheets off counter. Sunglasses fall off and break. She grabs paper out of my hands. I take it away. She cries. Simon steals more treats because I'm distracted. Teller takes FOREVER. She cries more. Employees look at me with empathetic eyes. We get the hell out of there.

Go to park.

Take pictures.

Couple from afar tells me they thought I was photographing a doll.

Play for awhile.

Go home.

Feed kids.

Start laundry. Clean kitchen.

Look at said pictures :)

My Mama

My mom could drink out of a "World's Best Mom" coffee mug with some serious confidence. I'm pretty sure there are other moms out there who could drink from it and not feel like a total fraud, but they still probably don't live up to mine.

My mom used to take my grandma's elderly friend on outings from her nursing home because she had no other family. Once when we were taking her home I sat in the backseat and silently cried when this woman was going on about how wonderful my mom was for all she was doing. I was so proud and just thought about how lucky my sisters and I were to have her. Sometimes I feel like all I do is take take take. I'm the little boy, she's the Giving Tree. It will be impossible to repay her for all she has done for me (and my family), so I'm probably going to have to pay it forward instead.

I'll pay it forward by trying to do these things as successfully as my own mother:

• Make all of my kids feel like they are genuinely my favorite (seriously, ask my sisters, I bet they each think they are our mother's favorite)
• Be such a great listening ear that they want to talk to me every day
• Be so supportive and empathetic that they know that I truly feel their ups and downs as much as they do
• Be so kind to other people that they forever think they are too mean and are therefore forever trying to be nicer
• Be so generous of my time that I make them feel like they are doing me a favor by letting me help them (I don't know how my mom does this, but trust me, she does)
• Be so thoughtful that all my kids' friends are a little jealous them (hello college care packages!)
• Make sure they know how proud I am of them, so much so that they can count on any tiny little thing to be met with great enthusiasm, so they in turn want to share any tiny little thing with me
• Be so open minded that I can learn things from my kids at any stage in life (I got my mom to start running in her early fifties!)

I'm sure there are a million more wonderful things that I could list about my mother. This week especially has reminded me of how freaking lucky I am. I have been going nonstop to prepare for Run Like a Mother and she has bent over backwards to help. She has spent hours with my kids so that I could work and has also spent hours helping me after that kids have gone to bed. She even scrubbed out my gross recycle bin today while I was out running errands. For real. In fact, she's one of the main reasons I have 15 minutes to blog right now and can actually relax a bit tonight before the weekend hullabaloo commences in the morning!

So Happy Mother's Day, Mom. You've set the bar pretty damn high. Love you :)

It's Late

I should go to bed. I'm almost too tired to move, though. I've been working nonstop on Run Like a Mother today and decided to stay up late getting as much done as possible. So now here I sit, very tired, trying to find the will to get off the couch.

Before I go, I wanted to share something that brought tears to my eyes. Maybe it's because I'm exhausted, but it might be because I agree so wholeheartedly with what I'm about to share with you. For some, Mother's Day just plain sucks. My first Mother's Day card came for me right after I was told I was miscarrying Simon (go figure). I tossed the card and should have skipped church that year. Instead I sat there fighting back the sobs as all the mothers stood up around me. Every Mother's Day since then, I've thought a lot about all those women out there who have come to despise the day and I can't help but cringe during church, wondering who there is sitting down with her eyes closed trying to fast forward until all those moms are seated once again. What is a completely normal, benign day for many can be so painful to others for so many reasons.

I think it's a great day to celebrate of course, but it's also a great day to say an extra prayer for those who have a reason to loathe it. Here's what should be said and done in church (and/or in our minds) every year:

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From The Messy Middle

Dear Pastor,

Tone can be tricky in writing. Picture me popping my head in your office door, smiling and asking if we could talk for five minutes. I’m sipping on my diet coke as I sit down.

You know that I’m not one to shy away from speaking my mind, part of the reason you love me (mostly!), so I’m guessing that internally you brace yourself wondering what might be next.

I set my can down and this is what I’d say.

A few years ago I sat across from a woman who told me she doesn’t go to church on Mother’s Day because it is too hurtful.  I’m not a mother, but I had never seen the day as hurtful. She had been married, had numerous miscarriages, divorced and was beyond child bearing years. It was like salt in mostly healed wounds to go to church on that day. This made me sad, but I understood.

Fast forward several years to Mother’s Day.  A pastor asked all mothers to stand. On my immediate right, my mother stood and on my immediate left, a dear friend stood. I, a woman in her late 30s, sat. I don’t know how others saw me, but I felt dehumanized, gutted as a woman. Real women stood, empty shells sat. I do not normally feel this way. I do not like feeling this way. I want no woman to ever feel this way in church again.

Last year a friend from the States happened to visit on Mother’s Day and again the pastor (a different one) asked all mothers to stand. As a mother, she stood and I whispered to her, “I can’t take it, I’m standing.” She knows I’m not a mother yet she understood my standing / lie.

Here’s the thing, I believe we can honor mothers without alienating others. I want women to feel welcome, appreciated, seen, and needed here in our little neck of the body of Christ.

1. Do away with the standing. You mean well, but it’s just awkward. Does the woman who had a miscarriage stand? Does the mom whose children ran away stand? Does the single woman who is pregnant stand? A.w.k.w.a.r.d.

2.  Acknowledge the wide continuum of mothering.

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you

To those who experienced loss this year through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

3. Commend mothering for the ways it reflects the Imago Dei (Image of God) by bringing forth new life, nurturing those on her path, and living with the tension of providing both freedom and a safety net.

I know I might be an unusual one to be speaking about Mother’s Day; but maybe that’s why so many talk to me about mothering, I’ve got the parts, just not the goods.  Thanks for listening and for continuing to mother us in a shepherding way. Even though I’m a bit nervous to come on Sunday, I will be here. But if you make us stand, I might just walk out =).

Warmly and in your corner,

Amy

Proof

It's going to be in the 50s today. A week ago, this would have felt like a welcomed heat wave. After a couple super hot days, however, it just feels plain cold.

To cope, I will review these pictures from the last two days several times today. They're proof that real live heat was here and that it will probably come again :)