I haven't cried in a long time, but today I cried twice.
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We got started with our consulting agency and the whole thing overwhelmed me so naturally I called a friend and started crying. My thoughts were racing: Can we really afford this? Will we be able to pay for our kid's college education if we do this? How long will we be in debt? Will it be worth it? When are we going to get picked? Why can't I just be happy with my one amazing child? WHY CAN'T I JUST F*&%&NG GET PREGNANT LIKE THE REST OF THE F*&%&NG WORLD?!
Excuse my French, but welcome to my bitter head from a few hours ago. I haven't bothered to get upset about my underachieving ovaries for quite some time now (hooray for me), but all the paperwork that lies ahead with this new adoption avenue had me all riled up. Yes, paperwork. Paperwork is really the root of my anger today....if only I had reliable fertility, boy would I be living the high life free of paperwork! The money part was there too, but it all stemmed from the damn paperwork.
Luckily my friend talked me off the ledge and I was able to get on with my day. I never stopped worrying about it all, though. It was like a shadow cast over this whole day that I couldn't shake.
--
While I was fretting about paperwork, something else in the world was happening and I had no idea.
A friend of mine fought the infertility giant for about a decade; they tried everything from Clomid to inseminations to IVF and everywhere in between. Finally in her early 40s they decided that enough was enough and they accepted that parenthood just was not in the cards.
And then at the age of 42 she became pregnant naturally.
Absolutely no offense to all of you who decide to have a baby and then actually get pregnant like 2 weeks later (WTF), but when someone like this friend gets pregnant it just seems sweeter somehow. All pregnancies are an absolute blessing of course, but I will always have a special place in my heart for pregnancies that didn't happen overnight for obvious reasons.
This is not happy story, though. This is a story that makes my heart and soul ache. I don't care if it's your 20th baby or it took you 10 years or 10 minutes to get pregnant...a baby delivered without a heartbeat at 22 weeks is something nobody should ever experience. The added injustice of a surprise pregnancy after 10 years of trying is almost too much to bear...
Hug your kids.
Count your blessings.
Say a prayer.
:(
--
We got started with our consulting agency and the whole thing overwhelmed me so naturally I called a friend and started crying. My thoughts were racing: Can we really afford this? Will we be able to pay for our kid's college education if we do this? How long will we be in debt? Will it be worth it? When are we going to get picked? Why can't I just be happy with my one amazing child? WHY CAN'T I JUST F*&%&NG GET PREGNANT LIKE THE REST OF THE F*&%&NG WORLD?!
Excuse my French, but welcome to my bitter head from a few hours ago. I haven't bothered to get upset about my underachieving ovaries for quite some time now (hooray for me), but all the paperwork that lies ahead with this new adoption avenue had me all riled up. Yes, paperwork. Paperwork is really the root of my anger today....if only I had reliable fertility, boy would I be living the high life free of paperwork! The money part was there too, but it all stemmed from the damn paperwork.
Luckily my friend talked me off the ledge and I was able to get on with my day. I never stopped worrying about it all, though. It was like a shadow cast over this whole day that I couldn't shake.
--
While I was fretting about paperwork, something else in the world was happening and I had no idea.
A friend of mine fought the infertility giant for about a decade; they tried everything from Clomid to inseminations to IVF and everywhere in between. Finally in her early 40s they decided that enough was enough and they accepted that parenthood just was not in the cards.
And then at the age of 42 she became pregnant naturally.
Absolutely no offense to all of you who decide to have a baby and then actually get pregnant like 2 weeks later (WTF), but when someone like this friend gets pregnant it just seems sweeter somehow. All pregnancies are an absolute blessing of course, but I will always have a special place in my heart for pregnancies that didn't happen overnight for obvious reasons.
This is not happy story, though. This is a story that makes my heart and soul ache. I don't care if it's your 20th baby or it took you 10 years or 10 minutes to get pregnant...a baby delivered without a heartbeat at 22 weeks is something nobody should ever experience. The added injustice of a surprise pregnancy after 10 years of trying is almost too much to bear...
Hug your kids.
Count your blessings.
Say a prayer.
:(
hard post to comment on....just thoughts and prayers for you and all those in similiar or tough situations!! RR
ReplyDeletePraying for you, your friend and all those trying to make that miracle happen! Life just sucks sometimes and I can't imagine some of the situations that people have to go through :(
ReplyDeleteAG