I'll warn you now...this post is a little lengthy. This is why I blog, though. So I can look back on things that happened in my life, big and small. Plus, I know some of you out there are detail people...you know who you are :)
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Wednesday, February 1:
I got Simon to school in the morning and spent the hours between 9 and noon packing. After school, I brought him to my mom's house, went home, collected Bryan and we were on our way at about 2pm. We had to make a pit stop at the UW-Credit Union so they could issue us a cashier's check in the amount of a small (or not so small) fortune for the adoption agency in IL.
On the way there, we went over our list of names:
Lucy
Lydia
Celia
Ada
Penelope
Violet
Vanessa
In the days between finding out about the baby and this day, Ada was highest on the list. I really love the name but couldn't get over the fear that she would one day fall in love with a man named Burger. What if she was Ada Burger? You know, ate a burger? My love for the name couldn't outweigh the burger factor I guess.
Bryan really liked Celia but there was something about it that didn't seem right to me, so we thought about adding an extra Ce and going with Cecilia. I checked the 2010 popularity of the name on my iPhone and was happy it was ranked somewhere in the 200s and that was it!
We got to the town of Morris around 6pm and checked into the Days Inn. It was quite the dive, but it was cheap and we'd only have to be there for 2 nights so we decided to roll with it. After we got checked in we went to dinner and while there we got a call from Julie, the social worker from the agency in IL. She would meet us at the hospital in 40 minutes to introduce us to the baby.
We waited for her in the hospital lobby for a few minutes and before we knew it we were walking through the halls of labor and delivery to the "nesting room" where we were able to spend time with the baby. The nurse turned to me and said how cute she was and I just lost it. I was so overwhelmed and the idea of the baby being cute on top of everything was just too much to take so on came the waterworks. Julie documented all of this, but I'm not going to post crying pictures :)
We got to the nesting room and they wheeled her in. I could barely contain myself! She had a bow in her hair! She was cute! I could hold her! It was an incredibly surreal moment.
We spend a couple of hours with her before going back to the hotel for the night...I was exhausted.
--
Thursday, February 2:
We got to the hospital around 8am and sat with the baby until she was discharged at noon. Julie met us there to do the paperwork and to collect the aforementioned fortune. It all went smoothly and we headed back to the lovely Days Inn.
Later that evening we took a field trip to the local Walmart. We encountered an angry teenage boy loudly yelling at his mother. It went a little something like this: "F*** you, you f****ng c*nt, f****ng b**ch! F*** you!" I think he was upset she wouldn't buy him something, but I can't be 100% sure.
ANYWAY, later that night we had a three way call scheduled between us, one of the social workers (Rita) and the birth mom. It. Did. Not. Go. Well. And so began the worst night of my life.
On this phone call, the birth mom was going crazy. Not in a mentally deranged kind of way, but in an "Oh my God I might never see my baby again" kind of way. She was absolutely wavering and made it clear she didn't know if she could go through with it. She was crying, I was crying, the social worker was NOT crying (she later told me I needed to "toughen up"). I hung up the phone with every confidence in the world that we were going home empty handed. Even rehashing it here is making me get emotional. I cried for hours and could barely look at the baby the rest of the night. THANK GOD for Bryan. I fell in love with him all over again that night. He held the baby close all evening and never pushed me to hold her. He knew I just couldn't.
It was a night from hell.
--
Friday, February 3:
We got up Friday and took our time packing up the car. We got checked out around 10:30 and headed to the city where the birth mom was meeting with the social workers to sign the papers. We were all supposed to be there at 11. I was in the dark about E's (birth mom) whereabouts, but it didn't matter. One of the two social workers who were meeting her was an hour and a half late. Yes, folks, an hour and a half. And anyone who knows me knows that tardiness is not something I participate in or tolerate well from others. It actually makes me crazy. So imagine my delight when she was THIS late for THIS event.
Finally around 1 they had their things together and were ready to get the meeting started. It was decided - last minute - that we would not meet E in person based on our horrid phone call from the night before. E would, however, want to see the baby again. So we left the baby there, got in the car and drove off waiting for the call telling us it was over. Saying goodbye to that baby right then was dreadful. She was never really ours, but I felt like it was the last time she would even sort of be ours. And it was a moment of complete loss of control, which is never fun.
So we drove. We drove to Arby's where we got greasy french fries and sodas. Then we got an apple pie from Burger King. We talked about whether we would be done with adoption if this fell through. We tried to read between the lines of all we knew leading up to this moment to predict the outcome. I tried not to let the physical effects of anxiety completely overcome me, which was the hardest part of all. I felt uncomfortable from my toes to my eyeballs and everywhere in between. Honestly, it was agony like I've never felt. I'm sure there are bigger deals out there, but for me this was the biggest of deals in my life so far and I was feeling every bit of that reality.
We drove around for an hour and 40 minutes before deciding enough was enough and just waited in the parking lot. We got a call from a blocked number a few minutes later, but it was my father in law. I believe I said disappointingly, "oh (pause), it's you." I barely had time to explain why he was the last person I wanted to hear from at that moment (everyone but one person was last at this moment) and there was the number we were waiting for on call waiting. I hung up on him and answered the call. I asked, "did she sign?" and my social worker said, "She signed the papers, she's all yours! Come and get her!"
I immediately burst into tears and gave Bryan a hug before bolting out of the car to get Cecilia - I could call her that now. She was in her car seat carrier and I shoved my face right in and kissed her face a bunch and told her I loved her. All the while the tears wouldn't stop. We got her to the car and started making calls and texting people the good news.
It's amazing the extreme ups and downs we experienced in such a short amount of time. It's no wonder I have been exhausted! I feel like this post doesn't really do this experience justice, but it's the best I can do. After all, I am busy with a 4 year old and a newborn now :)
--
As a side note, this chick poops a lot.
--
Wednesday, February 1:
I got Simon to school in the morning and spent the hours between 9 and noon packing. After school, I brought him to my mom's house, went home, collected Bryan and we were on our way at about 2pm. We had to make a pit stop at the UW-Credit Union so they could issue us a cashier's check in the amount of a small (or not so small) fortune for the adoption agency in IL.
On the way there, we went over our list of names:
Lucy
Lydia
Celia
Ada
Penelope
Violet
Vanessa
In the days between finding out about the baby and this day, Ada was highest on the list. I really love the name but couldn't get over the fear that she would one day fall in love with a man named Burger. What if she was Ada Burger? You know, ate a burger? My love for the name couldn't outweigh the burger factor I guess.
Bryan really liked Celia but there was something about it that didn't seem right to me, so we thought about adding an extra Ce and going with Cecilia. I checked the 2010 popularity of the name on my iPhone and was happy it was ranked somewhere in the 200s and that was it!
We got to the town of Morris around 6pm and checked into the Days Inn. It was quite the dive, but it was cheap and we'd only have to be there for 2 nights so we decided to roll with it. After we got checked in we went to dinner and while there we got a call from Julie, the social worker from the agency in IL. She would meet us at the hospital in 40 minutes to introduce us to the baby.
We waited for her in the hospital lobby for a few minutes and before we knew it we were walking through the halls of labor and delivery to the "nesting room" where we were able to spend time with the baby. The nurse turned to me and said how cute she was and I just lost it. I was so overwhelmed and the idea of the baby being cute on top of everything was just too much to take so on came the waterworks. Julie documented all of this, but I'm not going to post crying pictures :)
We got to the nesting room and they wheeled her in. I could barely contain myself! She had a bow in her hair! She was cute! I could hold her! It was an incredibly surreal moment.
We spend a couple of hours with her before going back to the hotel for the night...I was exhausted.
--
Thursday, February 2:
We got to the hospital around 8am and sat with the baby until she was discharged at noon. Julie met us there to do the paperwork and to collect the aforementioned fortune. It all went smoothly and we headed back to the lovely Days Inn.
Later that evening we took a field trip to the local Walmart. We encountered an angry teenage boy loudly yelling at his mother. It went a little something like this: "F*** you, you f****ng c*nt, f****ng b**ch! F*** you!" I think he was upset she wouldn't buy him something, but I can't be 100% sure.
ANYWAY, later that night we had a three way call scheduled between us, one of the social workers (Rita) and the birth mom. It. Did. Not. Go. Well. And so began the worst night of my life.
On this phone call, the birth mom was going crazy. Not in a mentally deranged kind of way, but in an "Oh my God I might never see my baby again" kind of way. She was absolutely wavering and made it clear she didn't know if she could go through with it. She was crying, I was crying, the social worker was NOT crying (she later told me I needed to "toughen up"). I hung up the phone with every confidence in the world that we were going home empty handed. Even rehashing it here is making me get emotional. I cried for hours and could barely look at the baby the rest of the night. THANK GOD for Bryan. I fell in love with him all over again that night. He held the baby close all evening and never pushed me to hold her. He knew I just couldn't.
It was a night from hell.
--
Friday, February 3:
We got up Friday and took our time packing up the car. We got checked out around 10:30 and headed to the city where the birth mom was meeting with the social workers to sign the papers. We were all supposed to be there at 11. I was in the dark about E's (birth mom) whereabouts, but it didn't matter. One of the two social workers who were meeting her was an hour and a half late. Yes, folks, an hour and a half. And anyone who knows me knows that tardiness is not something I participate in or tolerate well from others. It actually makes me crazy. So imagine my delight when she was THIS late for THIS event.
Finally around 1 they had their things together and were ready to get the meeting started. It was decided - last minute - that we would not meet E in person based on our horrid phone call from the night before. E would, however, want to see the baby again. So we left the baby there, got in the car and drove off waiting for the call telling us it was over. Saying goodbye to that baby right then was dreadful. She was never really ours, but I felt like it was the last time she would even sort of be ours. And it was a moment of complete loss of control, which is never fun.
So we drove. We drove to Arby's where we got greasy french fries and sodas. Then we got an apple pie from Burger King. We talked about whether we would be done with adoption if this fell through. We tried to read between the lines of all we knew leading up to this moment to predict the outcome. I tried not to let the physical effects of anxiety completely overcome me, which was the hardest part of all. I felt uncomfortable from my toes to my eyeballs and everywhere in between. Honestly, it was agony like I've never felt. I'm sure there are bigger deals out there, but for me this was the biggest of deals in my life so far and I was feeling every bit of that reality.
We drove around for an hour and 40 minutes before deciding enough was enough and just waited in the parking lot. We got a call from a blocked number a few minutes later, but it was my father in law. I believe I said disappointingly, "oh (pause), it's you." I barely had time to explain why he was the last person I wanted to hear from at that moment (everyone but one person was last at this moment) and there was the number we were waiting for on call waiting. I hung up on him and answered the call. I asked, "did she sign?" and my social worker said, "She signed the papers, she's all yours! Come and get her!"
I immediately burst into tears and gave Bryan a hug before bolting out of the car to get Cecilia - I could call her that now. She was in her car seat carrier and I shoved my face right in and kissed her face a bunch and told her I loved her. All the while the tears wouldn't stop. We got her to the car and started making calls and texting people the good news.
It's amazing the extreme ups and downs we experienced in such a short amount of time. It's no wonder I have been exhausted! I feel like this post doesn't really do this experience justice, but it's the best I can do. After all, I am busy with a 4 year old and a newborn now :)
--
As a side note, this chick poops a lot.
I hope Words With Friends gives you some joy, peace and calmness because I can't believe you have time to play with all the wonder in your lives. She's beautiful and the name is perfect! Congrats to you all.
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