So what do you eat?

Recently Bryan and I have taken on a vegetarian diet. It's been really interesting trying so many new foods/meals and I don't want to forget any of the good ones. I also want motivation to keep expanding our horizons and trying new things, so a new blog has been started! It's really more for my benefit than anything because it's like my own personal online recipe book, but it's also for anyone who says, "what would I make if I couldn't use meat?" Ahem...Mom :)

Anyway, my meal ideas are your meal ideas and, hopefully, vice versa. If you come across a great one, send it on over! I'll give you props, I promise :) There are only three rules...no meat, no fish and NO PEPPERS!! (Why no peppers? Because everything about them is revolting. Seriously revolting.)

nopeppersplease.blogspot.com

Oh, Glee...

Let me get you up to speed on a little show you may have heard of called "Glee." (Trust me, I have a point.)

In seasons past, a popular gal named Quinn got knocked up by a school bad boy named Puck. Meanwhile, the talented Rachel, an adoptee of two gay men who have yet to appear on the show, felt driven to learn more about her birth mother. Her birth mother, coincidentally, turned out to be the leader of a rival glee club. Keeping up? Her birth mother was not ready to raise a child when Rachel was born, but now 16 or so years later her biological clock was ticking. Welcome back, Quinn and Puck. They gave their baby up for adoption to Rachel's birth mother. Everyone is, for lack of a better term, happy.

Cue up the new season. Everyone is still happy except for the lovely Quinn, who at the end of last night's show vowed to get her baby back and announced that SHE was the baby's mother and no little piece of paper could change that fact.

Who would have thought an adoptive parent's worst nightmare would be a plot line on Glee? I for one, did not. I will continue to watch it all unfold and hope that it shows the strength of that "little piece of paper" and what "mom" really means. Based on how realistic the show has been thus far, though, I'm not sure I see that happening....

Gotta love Fall TV :)

It's not right.

Today I'm feeling sad for many people....two people I knew lost their lives over the weekend. One accident, one unknown cause. Both far too young.

While I didn't know either of these people well, I know they were beloved by many. I feel for those who are now faced with the messy, unpredictable world that is grief.

I wish there was something, anything, anybody could do to make their pain go away. I know that all anyone can do, though, is keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope that one day each step won't feel so much like work.

--

I'm thinking about you.

A Hearty Silver Lining

Now that a good week has passed since we were told the stork wouldn't be landing on our front lawn in the foreseeable future, I am able to look objectively at the situation and see all the good things that came from this whole ordeal. I got my house CLEAN. The nerves helped me lose a few pounds. We got great feedback on our portfolio (namely that we shouldn't change anything). I can now kind-of-sort-of-maybe see this thing actually happening. But all of these reasons combined pale in comparison to the real reason I can't stay upset about it. While it would have been amazing to be picked, the anxiety stopped with the knowledge that we were not picked. Had things gone differently, I would be a freaking mess right now and here's why...

Now we won't have to bring a baby home and wonder for weeks or months if she will really be ours.

We originally said we didn't want to adopt from Wisconsin because all adoptions here are considered "legal risk adoptions." This means that while you get to take the baby home, you are technically a foster parent until the adopting parents and the birth parents can all get to court on the same day at the same time to make it final. But even then it's not really final. Then the birth parents have 30 days to appeal.

So while we were waiting to find out if this baby was ours, it had me thinking about how to deal with a few issues knowing there would be the possibility of having to release this baby to her birth parents at some point. Should we get professional newborn pictures done? Should we wait to get her baptized? Should we tell Simon the baby is his sister? Should we use the name that we really like? Should we announce we have a daughter to our family and friends? Should I really try to bond with her? (It's amazing what I took for granted having a biological child.)

PW wisely advised that if we wound up with a baby from Wisconsin we'd really just have to go about our business as if she is 100% ours until someone tells us otherwise, because that is what the plan would be and it would probably work out just fine. While she was completely right, I'm glad that I don't have to take that advice. Instead we took our opportunity to again take Wisconsin out of the running. While we would have been elated to be picked and would have taken on the challenge of navigating through the legal proceedings with the hope it would all turn out okay, I'm happy that our family doesn't have to deal with that kind of stress.

By adopting out of state, we know that when we bring a baby home she will unquestionably be our daughter and Simon's sister. Now that's a silver lining if I've ever seen one.

Playing it Safe

A couple weeks ago Auntie Al and I took the boy to a safety fair to kill time in between a wedding and the reception. At this fair there were fire trucks galore, a real car fire, an old time fire engine and lots of free giveaways. What kid wouldn't love this?!

Mine.

Don't let these happy pictures fool you. Yes, we all enjoyed a moment of quiet from him when he got to hold the giant hose but let me tell you...it was short lived. That smile up there? Totally fake. I bribed him with something just to get the shot.

I honestly don't even remember what he was so outraged about. It may have had something to do with a balloon? All I know is that I was literally sweating by the time I wrangled him back to the car and strapped him in his car seat.

The best part was seeing that familiar expression on my little sister's face that just kind of screams "OMG I'm never having kids!!" (Our older sister - mom of 3 - is also very familiar with this expression.)

The moral of this story is twofold. Pictures can lie and kids can be annoying..but of course we love them to pieces anyway :)

HelpUsAdopt.Org

I was reading People Magazine the other day and came across their section about everyday heroes. This one definitely caught my eye...it was about a couple who founded an organization called helpusadopt.org.

Because of the severity of their infertility issues, this couple went right to IVF after about a year of trying to conceive naturally. Five cycles, three miscarriages and over $80,000 later they were pursuing adoption.

They admit they were lucky, though. They had the funds to do all of this. Most of us don't have the means to exhaust every last option, plus have enough left over to adopt if the treatments don't work. So they started helpusadopt.org, started fundraising, added some of their own money, and began providing grants to families who would otherwise remain childless due to the lovely combo of infertility and lack of funds.

Pretty cool if you ask me.

Sticker Charts

Many of my friends have made sticker charts for their kids to help improve their behavior, so I decided to try to incorporate one of my own tonight. Simon has gotten much better over the past few months with going to bed at night, but we still hit a few snags every once in a while. So on a whim, I told him he would get a sticker for every night that he went to bed like a good boy. Then after he earned 7 stickers, he would get a prize.

He wanted to know what kind of prize. He wanted to see the prize and where was the prize?

I said it's a surprise (code for "I don't know"), but didn't he want his first sticker tonight?

"No I don't want a sticker. You can have a sticker. I want to go downstairs."

No Cigar

I really don't feel like talking about this or thinking about this or writing about this. I do, however, feel committed to documenting this whole journey so I'm going to write about it here, albeit briefly.

We were not picked. We came in a close second. The first loser. Close but no cigar. Better luck next time. It wasn't meant to be and blah blah blah.

I won't even write about what was in my head (and came out of my potty mouth while talking to my mother) about this dear birth mom who took her sweet time making her decision. Those thoughts I'm better off forgetting.

Moving on...

Paralyzed

Sometimes when I'm overwhelmed I find myself in a self-induced state of paralysis.

When we first found out that a birth mother was going to be looking at us a month ago, I went on cleaning binge (or at least what could be considered a "binge" for me). I organized, cleaned, scrubbed, etc. I felt motivated to change my daily habits, to turn over a new leaf.

I've actually been able to maintain this for the past month, but I can feel that familiar paralysis creeping into my veins as we get closer and closer to a final decision being made. I feel like I need someone to clap in my face and yell "GET MOVING" before I can do anything too productive. Scratch that, I don't need anyone to clap at me or yell at me. I really just need someone to say, "I'm sorry, she decided to pick another family," or "Congratulations, she picked you" (preferably the latter of course).

Either answer will help me out of this stupor.

Parker

I have a feeling I might hear more about Parker in the coming weeks. This was my conversation with Simon after his second day, pretty much verbatim:

Me: "Were you a good boy in school today?"
Simon: "Yeah."
"Was everyone good in school today?"
"Yeah."
"Was anyone naughty today?"
"Yeah Parker was naughty because he pinched me so I pinched him back because he did it to me first. He wasn't sharing his Thomas toy with me."
"Did you take it from him?"
"Yeah and then he pinched me so I pinched him back."
"Where did he pinch you?"
"Right here on my eye."
"Did you or Parker cry?"
"No."
"What did Mrs. Hanson say?"
"Mrs. Hanson said we had to share. I really want that wand that little girl had. Where can we get one from?" (I guess that's the end of this conversation, I thought.)

I of course reminded him to share and that he shouldn't pinch people, but I was really enjoying hearing him relate what happened so I just kept asking questions. Is it bad that I was stifling the giggles? Maybe I should have been outraged that he was pinched or that he returned it, but I figure they are three and these things are going to happen. I trust that Mrs. Hanson took care of it appropriately and will call me if there's a problem that won't go away. In any case, Macey confirmed Simon's story and said Parker got a time-out and Simon didn't so I took that as a good sign.

I think I am going to LOVE having a school-aged kid. Somehow I keep liking every stage better than the last...not sure how that works.

Yesterday

"Momma, I'm going to miss you when I'm at school."
"No, you won't miss me. You won't even be thinking about me!"
"Yes I will think!"

Later on our walk into the school...
"It's okay Mommy, I won't miss you anymore."
Phew :)

Yesterday was Simon's first first day of school. He looked like this:

Seeing him with that backpack on walking out to the car almost put me over the edge. I lost it for a few seconds, but pulled myself together. It's just hard to believe that he is a big enough boy to comfortably have a backpack on, not to mention big enough to be headed to preschool. A friend posted on Facebook, "WTH...my baby is 2 and a half months old already." When will that feeling go away? Ever? I'm not sure I want it to.

Anyway, it appears he had a good day. He ran to give me a hug with a loud "Mommmmmyyyy!" when he saw me and told me he had ice cream and Oreos for snack. I asked his friend Macey to verify and she said they had pink cookies for Sofia's birthday. Later she said they had pink ice cream and cookies. I think between the two of them we might just get an idea of what they really did in school that day :)

--------

Yesterday was a big day for another reason. We knew that Birth Mom was going to be making her final selections. You can tell from my post yesterday that I wasn't exactly handling it all that well. My stomach was as knotted as it's ever been waiting for that call. I was told the meeting would be over at 2:30, so at 3:30 I acted like a crazy person and called the agency. I wound up asking inappropriate questions of the secretary, but found out Lynn would be in a meeting until 4. Somehow I mustered up the strength not to call until 4:15, but when I did I finally heard Lynn's voice and could hear her smile through the phone.

Yesterday morning there were eight couples in question. Yesterday afternoon it was narrowed down to three, in which we are included. Relief literally poured over me and my knots untwisted. We still have a long way to go, though.

Hopefully she will make her final decision in the next 3-4 days and will want to meet with that couple sometime next week. She is due in less than 2 weeks, so time really is of the essence.

All around this is positive. Even if we aren't her final choice, it's nice to know we made the first cut for whatever reason. It makes me feel more confident that someone else will pick us out of the crowd and ultimately choose us.

If only my hair wasn't so frizzy in so many pictures maybe we would have been the clear winners right away....we'll never know :)

Going INSANE

Supposedly my social worker should be wrapping up her meeting with Birth Mother in about 10 minutes and I should be getting a call shortly thereafter.

I.

Am.

Losing.

My.

Mind.

I just want to know. I want to know so I can process whatever the decision is....stay tuned.

Tall Chai Tea Latte Please

I often associate cool weather and stress with Chai Tea Lattes from Starbucks. It's ridiculous, I know, but it's kind of a compulsion. It's a cool morning? I'm a little stressed? Then here, Starbucks, you take my three bucks and I'll take warm relaxation on the road with me. I have no intentions of reducing my once a week indulgence, but it is a challenge to keep it at once a week sometimes.

Case in point. It's a cool week. My little teeny tiny baby has grown up and is starting preschool. We're about to find out if we're cool enough for a pregnant 19 year old to want to hand her baby over to us.

Enough said. I'm getting one today and tomorrow, dammit.

Four of my favorites

My sister brought her kiddos over to play other other day...here is a glimpse into what happens when our children play together:

No news is good news?

I finally broke down and emailed my social worker for an update. She said that she might not have an answer until she meets with the birthmom on September 7th. So much for the "end of next week." (Big sigh.)


I can't help but wonder whether no news is good news, bad news, or just that...no news. My insides tell me it's not good. After all, if she saw our portfolio and loved us, wouldn't she tell Lynn right away who would then tell me right away? My guess is that she is moving forward with another family but wants to interview them first to make sure she gets a good vibe before letting the rest of us down gently. The fact remains that my crystal ball is broken, though, and all we can do is blindly speculate...not exactly a foolproof way to tell the future.


I'll of course be disappointed if we are not picked, but I can't help but feel like the right person will at some point and that fact will soften the blow. What matters most is that Birth Mom finds a family she feels like she can send her baby home with....can you imagine having to make that choice? I know I can't.