It's happening

Sitting on my counter right now is an addressed and sealed envelope containing our formal adoption application. This afternoon I will be bringing said envelope to the post office. I will weigh the envelope. I will pay the appropriate postage fee. I will drop it in the outgoing mail slot. I will not look at it like it's the end of a dream I've been working so hard at achieving for so many months. I will look at it like it's the first step towards achieving the same dream with a slightly different path.

Sometimes, though, I still can't believe this is happening. I'm still angry that my body sucks. I'm still sad that I'll never see my baby on an ultrasound screen. I'll never know if our next child would have looked just like Simon or like a completely different person. I'll never again feel a baby kicking from the inside out.

I know there are much worse things in the world than all missing out on those things, but today I'm just going to go ahead and be sad about it. Tomorrow is a new day.