Will he be "that kid?" The Last Part

The first of Simon's two tumbling classes concluded this morning and all the parents got to see what they've been working on for the last few minutes of class. There are two things worth mentioning:

1) He did somersaults on his own starting around two years old. He continued to do them on his own until he was almost three, when he suddenly forgot how. This regression is clearly shown in the video (my inner Bela Karolyi was going crazy).

2) He has some serious ADD and/or is a three year old boy.

It's happening

Sitting on my counter right now is an addressed and sealed envelope containing our formal adoption application. This afternoon I will be bringing said envelope to the post office. I will weigh the envelope. I will pay the appropriate postage fee. I will drop it in the outgoing mail slot. I will not look at it like it's the end of a dream I've been working so hard at achieving for so many months. I will look at it like it's the first step towards achieving the same dream with a slightly different path.

Sometimes, though, I still can't believe this is happening. I'm still angry that my body sucks. I'm still sad that I'll never see my baby on an ultrasound screen. I'll never know if our next child would have looked just like Simon or like a completely different person. I'll never again feel a baby kicking from the inside out.

I know there are much worse things in the world than all missing out on those things, but today I'm just going to go ahead and be sad about it. Tomorrow is a new day.

Leap of faith

Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith.

Obviously, for me that means adoption right now, but enough about me. For you, it means selling your house for a little less than you wanted, deciding to try for a baby, deciding to try for another baby, moving away for your dream job, moving back when your dream changes, applying for a job without all the "desired" experience with the faith that you will be great at it anyways, leaving a relationship because you know it's not going where you want it to, pushing through doctor visits even though you know you might not like what the results are, quitting your job because it just isn't working....

I could go on. I'm surrounded by people who are strong and who take risks in hopes of it paying off in the end. You know who you are and I want you to know how proud and happy I am for you ;)

Will he be "that kid?" Part 4

Today (for the second time in 7 weeks) I got a great report from Miss Christina. She used the phrase "really good" when describing my kid today. Some other mom had to hear that her little girl was the problem child de jour. Not me! I really wanted to talk to that mom afterwards to tell her I knew how she felt (aka to gloat), but I let her be.

Afterwards, I noticed that Simon felt a little hot. We got home and sure enough, he had a fever. I guess that explains it. The real question now is, do I purposely over dress him and wear him out before class so he feels like he has a fever and therefore behaves? :)

Joy

Bubbles, dandelions, worms, swings, chocolate milk, colored eggs, etc. These are all things that will elicit the same response in Simon and presumably most other kids: pure joy. Only children can do this. Only children can look at something ordinary and genuinely find it extraordinary.

So it's really quite a scene when a kid is witness to something that you actually don't see every day. Today we went to Kohl's with Grandma Vivian and on our way out Simon saw a rock that was shaped funny. When he went to pick it up, the rock jumped:

This provided him with so much entertainment. He would touch it, the frog would jump, and he would shriek with delight. This went on about 15 times before I said it was time to go. I should have recorded it to video rather than just taking a picture of the frog because the whole scene was highly amusing.

It just made me appreciate how kids are so easily and thoroughly entertained and it made me excited about getting to go through it all again....then we went to Target later in the afternoon and I thought, "Seriously, this kid is being so (explicative) annoying. I really don't need to go through it all again." Oh, the ups and downs of motherhood :)

A new journey

After 29 mos of TTC, about 4,000 HPTs and almost just as many BFNs, I've finally said "so long" to the RE. No more POAS. I never have to look at another FRER or any others like it. No more OPKs. No more P4, E2 or HCG tests. No more BD at predetermined times. No more U/Ss. No more HCG triggers. No more irritation with my stupid LPD. No more worry about CDs or DPOs or DPIUIs or follies. SIF may always be a part of me, but AF is on her way and we're moving on.

---

By the end of the week, our initial paperwork will be in the mail to Paquette Adoption Services. They are going to help us find a little girl from either Illinois, Alabama, Texas or two other states that I can't remember right now. It's very possible that by the end of the year I could be posting a picture of our newborn daughter. [Holy crap.] It's probably going to be July or August by the time we have everything completed and are ready to have our profile presented to birth mothers. At the time birth mothers are making their final decisions, they are typically about 9 months pregnant. Thus, when we get the call that we were picked, we will be traveling within a week or so to go pick the baby up. Yes, it will be a crazy whirlwind.

There are so many things that I'm equal parts terrified about and excited about. I'm sure you'll hear all about it over the coming months.

Deep breaths.

The Universe

Though I could cite several examples to confirm this, I'm not going to go into all the nitty gritty details. Just trust me when I say that on this dragged out and incomplete journey to becoming a family of four, the Universe has played some really funny tricks on me (seriously, they're a riot). If you have no idea what I could be talking about, think on the lines of hearing someone else's baby crying on your monitor right after getting a negative pregnancy test. Or getting positive home pregnancy tests only to have a blood test confirm you are not, in fact, with child. Like 3 times. Or being told you're having a miscarriage when you are, in fact, with child.

Or...or...or...

I really could go on, but as promised I will spare you all the nitty gritty details. I just wanted to put out to the Universe that while it may seem like it is intentionally trying to F with me sometimes, I can't stay mad forever. Because the Universe or God or whatever you want to call it brought me a little boy who wears too small costumes, likes to play the ukelele and pretends laundry baskets are cages and/or turtle shells....

Love.
This.
Boy.

The Abyss

There's a fabulous room in our house that has french doors, tons of windows and built-in bookshelves. When we first bought the house, Bryan fancied this room would be his office...his study...his library...his anything but this:

I've been known to refer to this room as "The Abyss" because often times there is literally no walking room and it feels like a black hole of toys. Kids go in there and trip on things. Babies aren't even allowed in there. Sometimes it gets so bad that when toys trickle into the rest of the house I will literally just throw them in there, not even trying to get them into a container.

I had the idea once that I should have Simon help me clean it up before bed every day, but we all know how much I already dread bedtime and hell if I'm going to add one more thing to that routine. Honestly, I'm all about teaching lessons and blah blah blah but I'm also all about picking your battles. This room is just not a battle I'm going to pick.

So what's a girl to do? Today I decided to treat myself to Bossypants by Tina Fey (yes, the pregnant lady) from audible.com, got it loaded onto my iPhone and got to work. It was all the motivation I needed:

Now I just have to keep Simon and/or any other children from going in there and I'll be all set :)

(As a side note, when Simon woke from his nap to a clean toy room, he started laughing and said with complete and utter excitement, "IT'S CLEAN!!")

Bedtime

There are people out there who just LOVE the bedtime routine with their kids....the baths, the snuggling, the books, etc., etc. I, on the other hand, desperately just want bedtime. The routine can suck it.

I know this isn't the first time I've posted about bedtime, and it probably won't be the last because bedtime is quite possibly the most challenging part of my day. After a whole day of playing Woman vs. Toddler I am done with the negotiations, the games, the wining, (the parenting)....you get the idea. Simon always has a different idea of how it's going to go, though. This kid always puts his game face on and is ready to test me one last time for the day. Every. Night.

He sits on the potty forever. He won't let me brush his teeth. He picks out the LONGEST effing books. He just cannot decide which jammies are going to be the most comfy that night and hell if mom is going to pick them out for him. He needs water. He needs to go potty again. He needs another hug. Another kiss. Another hug from Daddy. Oh and another hug from Mommy. Fifteen minutes later he's still thirsty. He might have to go potty again.

He thinks he has a fever and needs medicine (his words, no joke).

Truthfully bedtime really does challenge me, but it's been getting better because we start out offering to read him 3 books. If he screws with us, he gets one taken away. If he screws with us again, we take another away. It's been working like a dream.  There's also this new children's book out there that might get him to understand just how badly I want him to go to sleep. I was emailed a copy of this book, but I'm not computer savvy enough to figure out how to present it to you via this blog, so instead please enjoy this excerpt. It speaks to me.

"The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest
And the creatures who crawl, run, and creep.
I know you’re not thirsty. That’s bullshit. Stop lying.
Lie the fuck down, my darling, and sleep." 

A Baby Swing

Yesterday I bought a baby swing for our swing set. My 1 year old nephew was going to be coming over in the afternoon and I wanted something fun for him and all the other little tykes who come to our house in the summer. Not only that, but it seemed like a good purchase for my second baby. No, this is not an announcement of any kind. This is a declaration that I now know it's a matter of WHEN, not IF, a second baby of mine will be sitting in that swing.

I've spend A LOT of time and energy trying to eliminate the desire for a bigger family and refused to use the term "when" when I was talking about a future child of mine. It was always, always, always "if." Now that we are finally and wholeheartedly ready to adopt, I know that I can take the "if" out of it. It's actually hard to get used to.

Back to the swing. It's strange to feel like I'm building back up to prepare for another baby. I had a rummage sale last year and sold most of my baby things or I've given them away over time...I didn't want to look at them or have them taking up space in my house. Now I need to figure out how to get it all back and that fact makes me unbelievably happy.

I don't know what color my baby will be. I don't know if it will be a boy or a girl. I don't know where or when she or he will be born. I don't even know how old the baby will be when I first set eyes on him or her. I pretty much know nothing except that, come hell or high water, Simon won't be my only child sitting in this swing :)

Oh, the laughs

This kid just makes me laugh. Here is a sampling of some of the comical or cute (or both) moments that I want to remember one day.
----
Bryan notices that one of the strips on the blinds has been chewed in Simon's room.
B: "Did you chew on this?"
Simon: "No."
Me: "Simon, did you chew on that?"
S: "Oh, yeah I fink so. I'm sorry. It's good."
----
Simon's up early so I go in his room and lay on his bed. He is standing by his door.
S: "Mommy, I have an important job for you."
Me: "What's that?"
S: "Get up."
----
He's about to grab something that he shouldn't. I tell him no and to be a good listener and he quickly swipes his hand away from the object, rests his head on his hand and smiles. A nice fake out!
----
Simon, to his mother and father: "Hey guys I need to show you something."
Us: "Put it away!!!!!!!"
(Yes, you are imagining right. WTF!!!???)
----
Upon seeing his cousin Clara, his very favorite person in the world: "CLARA!!!!" followed by a run, a giant hug and huge smiles.
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Happy Mother's Day to me and all the other mom's who are trying to soak up little moments like this :)

Momma's Day

Every Mother's Day I reflect on how much I hated my first one as a "mother." Why the quotes you ask? I was technically just barely pregnant with Simon, but it wasn't looking good. Mother's Day was smack dab in between two major phone calls. First was the call from the nurse saying it was not a viable pregnancy. Another miscarriage. About a week and a miracle later I got another call that changed everything....that little bean was growing.

In hindsight, I shouldn't have bitterly shredded and tossed the first Mother's Day card I ever received (it was from my mother-in-law who sent it before the first aforementioned call). I also shouldn't have gone to church that day. I thought I would never get through the long moment when all the mothers stood, while I sat fighting back tears because I couldn't join them.

While I am so beyond grateful that I can stand with those mothers now, I still feel for those who were in my shoes all those years ago. Mother's Day is a day for me to remember how lucky I am and to say extra prayers for everyone who wants to join me but is having trouble getting there. I encourage you to do the same...it can't hurt :)

I guess he's been dressing "creatively" for a while...this was from when he was maybe 2.

Will he be "that kid?" Part 3

Miss Christina informed me this morning that Simon is, in fact, "that kid" in Teddy Tumblers. Her exact words were, "there's one in every class." Prior to having this conversation with Miss Christina, one of the other moms said that her daughter told her there was a little boy in the class who didn't listen and ran away and wore a spiderman shirt. "Yup, that's mine," I told her.

Sigh. My mommy blinders might be securely in place, but I think I have a funny, smart, adorable kid on my hands. But there's simply no denying that listens for crap. I wish shrugging and saying "nobody's perfect" was an effective parenting method...