I'm going to have to develop thick skin. My family is going to be quite conspicuous and people are going to make comments that I'm going to have to learn to deflect, accept or get pissed about. I have a sneaking suspicion that my internal response will be a combination of all three.
These are a few examples of questions/comments I've already gotten (and no, I won't tell you who said them, so don't ask!):
There are no white babies to adopt?
I bet she'll be a crack baby.
Why wouldn't you want to try for another one of your own?
Birth moms really want adoptive parents who have fancy things, like horses.
Most of the adopted kids I know have all kinds of issues.
And these are a few of the scenarios that I anticipate (which may or may not come true):
Having conversations with Tit Natzis (thank you Tina Fey for the apt description). Feel free to judge me for not breastfeeding Simon, but you're not allowed to with this new baby. And no, I don't want your leftovers to store in my freezer.
I'm probably going to have strangers asking if my daughter is my real daughter. I read somewhere to respond with, "no, she's made of plastic," and I appreciated that one. But what do you say without getting into all the nitty gritty details? I think I might start to play with something on the lines of, "Yes, I slept with Will Smith, but he paid us to be quiet so my husband forgave me." (Funny I picture saying that at Aldi...might have to rethink that one.)
We do this in our house and everyone else does it too, but for the sake of our new baby we're going to really have to figure out how to approach this: "He looks just like you" or "That was just like me when I was little." When you have kids you are ALWAYS on the hunt for similarities. It's fun to think about your genes being passed on. I have no problems with people doing this, I just don't want it to come across to the new kid that she is "less" because she doesn't share all those similarities.
I'm sure I could go on with all the craziness I expect in the future. What's funny is that I'll probably be blindsided anyways :) In any case, all this is why we are required to take 20 hours of adoption education...
i'm sitting here hoping and praying that i didn't say any of these things..i don't think i did..but if i did..i'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteyou will need thick skin. you will need to keep your eyes open and your mouth shut sometimes...but sometimes you will need to take a deep breath and then remind those around you to be kind, patient and thoughtful next time they speak.
you will rock it. you will amaze yourself and your loved ones. you will be supportive and you will be. you and the kids will be all right. promise.
pw
i can't wait to meet little Ruthy!
ReplyDeletewow.never thought of it that way. i too hope i didn't say those things. i'm sure i'll put my foot in my mouth. but i bet that list up there is a mile long and you'll experience all kinds of things from all kinds of different people. People you wouldn't expect and people you know and some you don't know. you and your family will be so strong-i know it. since it seems you are prepared and the classes will help you be prepared, you can help educate others (but still have your snide-witty remark for the right people ;) ) already can't wait for the blog posts sharing with us all....RR
ReplyDeleteMy vote is for the Will Smith comment! And you guys definitely need to buy horses ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm a little behind on reading this. To the "jerk" comments, just smile and give one-word answers (Yes, No, Thanks, etc.). Trust me, they aren't worth your time or energy to educate them! To the "similar to us" stuff I always say that Ben has Steve's appetite, or that he has my vocal chords. Jackson has my love of sleeping, etc. Trust me, you'll find similarities very quickly!
ReplyDelete-Jessica