I love your face

In mid-April, I posted about our trip to the haircut store. In the two and a half months since that day, his hair went from less than an inch all the way down past his eyebrows. Maybe that's not record breaking hair growth, but it sure seems like it....

Our friend Danielle was kind enough to put up with his shenanigans in our yard and tidy up that mop of his. He was bribed with many things if he sat still, including but not limited to watching a show, fruit snacks and the opportunity to cut his father's hair. He was granted the latter when it was all said and done:

Now when I say "I love your face" to him every day, I will actually be able to see what I'm talking about....at least until August.

Meeting numero dos

We had our final pre-adoption meeting with our social worker this morning. Simon was a good boy and showed off his skeleton costume, his pink skirt and his transformers mask among other things. He proved we weren't lying when we said he liked costumes :) Luckily, everything checked out in our house and she said she is waiting on us to get our profile to her and we'll be ready to start The Wait.

After getting feedback from a couple of insightful folks about my dramatic post from late last night, I think I can finally put this heavy decision behind me and move forward. Someone said "logic be damned" and another asked "what did your gut tell you when you first considered adoption?" If I damn logic and go with my initial gut reaction (and Bryan's), the decision is crystal clear.

A weight has been lifted.

I seriously cannot wait to meet her and name her and to know what her birthday is and see her hair color and see if she'll be a tank or a peanut and what kind of sleeper she'll be (please be good) and if she'll like a nuk or have acid reflux or smile a lot or be serious......I could go on. I just hope The Wait is short!

I cannot sleep...again

Several decisions surrounding this adoption are weighing very heavy on us as we get closer and closer to the start of our official wait. Some of these decisions seem like they should be easy, but trust me...they're not. I don't know what is right. I don't know how to decide.

For one issue in particular, Bryan and I both know what we really want and luckily it's the same thing, but logically it doesn't make sense. At a certain point, either logic or heart is going to prevail but right now I don't know where the cards will fall. "Heart" is the obvious answer, but it's just not that simple. I've been going back and forth for weeks about this and for some reason I cannot get settled. Just when I think I'm all set, something will trigger me to change my mind and the same thing seems to be happening to the hubs.

The truth? I'm not proud of what I really want. In fact, I'm opposite of proud. I'm pretty much ashamed of it. But do I shame myself into making a decision that is perhaps not right for us? Conversely, if I'm not proud of it doesn't that say something? Maybe we'll love this little girl no matter what choices lead us to her? Or what if we make a choice that leads to regret and more than we were prepared to handle?

I want to scream or cry or hide.

I realize that there are bigger issues in the world right now which makes me feel even worse for whining about this, but reality is that whatever we decide will impact our little family forever and that actually is a very big deal.

How do you make big choices in life? How do you sort through what is right for you?

A day at the zoo

A couple weeks ago I decided it was a good day to take Simon and his cousin Clara to the zoo. I told this to Simon upon his waking and his excitement was palpable, to say the very least. He was literally shrieking with delighted anticipation yelling "Clara Clara Clara Clara!!! We're going to the zoo with Clara!" As soon as he was dressed he was out the door still yelling, racing to the car.

This particular visit to the zoo was filled with chuckles and cute moments...

When we first got there, they found and immediately coveted what they referred to as "tickets" (they were actually slips of paper that people were supposed to hang onto if they wanted to claim a photo). The kids went up to the volunteers in the monkey building chatting animatedly about their tickets and the animals that were pictured on them. After talking for quite some time, one of the volunteers eventually said, "Oh my, you have very enthusiastic children!" I laughed.

We moved on and quickly realized that it was apparently Amish day at the zoo. Clara was fascinated by this and wanted to know why all these people were dressed so weird. I awkwardly explained that everyone likes different clothes. She stared a lot and I crossed my fingers that she wouldn't say anything in earshot. To her defense, they were EVERYWHERE and they do rather stand out.

Soon we came upon a wishing pond. I gave them each a penny and told them to make a wish. Clara said without hesitation, "I wish that I could meet Justin Bieber IN PERSON!" How funny is that coming from a 5 year old?! Then Simon said in a soft, sweet, raspy voice, "with all my heart, to fly with dragons a land apart." What the hell. I had him repeat it and he said, "I wish I wish with all my heart, to fly with dragons a land apart." This was the first of MANY times that he has since said this, every time in a near-whisper and complete seriousness. So. Stinking. Cute. (Thank you Dragon Land.)

Eventually we made it over to the butterfly exhibit. I was worried they were both going to pee their pants from excitement about this, and I had to stop them from all out running into the building and squashing a poor butterfly along the way. We came across a butterfly that was, unfortunately, the presumed victim of child's shoe, but that meant he was just fine with being held and passed around (in reality he simply couldn't do much to get away). The heat in that building is borderline torturous so we didn't stay as long as they would have liked, but I doubt any amount of time would have really been enough anyways.

I'm sure there were many more moments that day that were cute and funny, but these were the few that stood out and I just plain want to remember them someday....

Meeting Numero Uno

Yesterday morning Bryan and I had our first meeting with our adoption social worker. I didn't really know what to expect, but I heard it would be like having a conversation with a friend so I wasn't too nervous about it (thank you JT). Having nothing to hide also helped....when she asked if I had a history of drug or alcohol abuse I was tempted to tell her that I saw actual marijuana leaves for the first and only time about a year ago (not even being smoked), but figured a simple "no" would suffice.

She basically wanted a life story from both of us. My awful long-term memory prevailed of course and I was unable to tell her much about my childhood except that I played with my sisters a lot. Did you have rules? Probably. What was the discipline like? I think I got yelled at. Did you know your expectations? Come home on time. Anything else? Probably. 

She also gave us information about the agencies we'll be sending our profile to and a few more items of paperwork we need to do (yay!). Based on what our parameters are on the type of child we'd like to adopt, she thinks that 9 months will be about the longest we'll wait. Eeek.

I asked Simon if he wanted a little sister and he said "No, because I don't want to have to teach her things." It's going to be interesting....

I cannot sleep....

I'm laying in bed picking away at the tiny letters on my iPhone because I'm wide awake and my computer is all the way downstairs. I'm hoping this obnoxious way to blog will tire me right out. That being said, please forgive any typos...

Anyways.

Today I met yet another woman who recently adopted a baby. They're actually everywhere. It's just like when you start house hunting and suddenly you see shorewest signs in every direction, or you learn a new word and proceed to hear it every day for the next week. In my case, I see mixed race families every time I leave my house. The next few times you're out, take a look. Is it me, or will we really not be alone?

That's really all I got. Good night :)

The next day

The day after the all-nighter was Father's Day. Bryan said he got the best gift he could have gotten while we were out for lunch...a rare treat when your baby is no longer a baby:

"He's a bat"

8:00pm - Bath. Books. Bed. No problems.

1:45am - "Mommy, I'm thirsty....I'm thirsty, Mommy....I'm thirsty....Mommy, I'm thirsty..." He is standing in the middle of his room with his empty water cup. I refill it. He goes back to bed.

2:00am - Repeat previous adventure. I add, "No more water or you're going to have to go potty."

2:15am - "Mommy, I need to go potty....I need to go potty, Mommy...." I take him potty. He goes back to sleep.

3:45am - "There's TWO moons! Mommy, I see TWO moons! Come look, I see TWO moons!" I mutter to Bryan, "How many moons?" He thinks two. I doze off and dream about grocery shopping at McDonald's with my little sister. Simon is continuing to talk to himself.

4:45am - After generally quiet play since about 4am, he exclaims, "There's people in our new car! They are trying to steal it. One of them has a cowboy hat on. Mommy, come look! There's a naughty man in our new car and he's wearing a cowboy hat! Daddy you need to come look!" Bryan reminds me that he also saw TWO moons earlier so it's possible he's making this up too. I can't resist and take a look. I see no cowboy hat, nor anyone in our car. I try to get Simon back to bed. He refuses, I give up, close his door and return to my bed. He continues to talk to himself.

5:15am - "There are still people in our car! They're getting out! The guy with the cowboy hat is getting out now." I resist the urge to look again, but Bryan reminds me that it's Father's Day and I thought about the fact that yesterday he did his first half ironman so he's probably extra exhausted. I should probably get up soon.

5:35am - Downstairs we go. I turn on Super Why. I make the coffee. I open my computer. I document the night. I wonder what the FU{% lead to a child who apparently only needed 6 hours of intermittent sleep last night. I wonder how he will do on our drive to Appleton and back today. I can only assume our interesting night will lead to an interesting day...

For Colored Girls

Bryan has a race in the morning so he went to bed early....I stayed up late and rented a movie called For Colored Girls. I'm sure I don't really need to explain why I was drawn to it, but in addition to the obvious, the redbox promised me a "gripping film that paints an unforgettable portrait of what it means to be a woman of color in the modern world."

Even though it ended several minutes go, my my throat can't seem to loosen up. It's still swollen and if I think too much about what happened over the past two hours, I might just lose it all over again. I would say the redbox followed through with its promise....I found it to be both gripping and unforgettable.

Watch it.

Mission Accomplished

Profile....Check.
Education Hours...Check.
Paperwork...Check. Check. Check. (Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check.)

Essentially, we're done. All that's really left to do is wait.

Wait for the June 24th and 27th when we meet with our social worker.
Wait for her to finish her report.
Wait for her to call us.
Wait for our flight.
Wait to see her.
Wait to take her home.
Wait for the courts to finalize it.
Wait for her to grow, to roll, to crawl, to walk, to talk, to read, to write, etc.

I hope time flies from one step to the next....until that last part....then time can slow down :)